Save Me From This Guilt [Skiv]

[Twineheart]

Streampaw hadn't been sleeping well. Not since she'd nearly drowned in the river and gotten her father's ex mentor killed. Her sleep was filled nearly every night with guilt ridden nightmares. Nightmares were Silverfish came back to haunt her, to taunt and tell her that she had killed him. Nightmares were her father told her she was not his daughter, that no cat could love her. It was so terrible for the young she-cat she often wondered if things would of been better if she had just drowned. That if she had died in that river, maybe Silverfish would of been spared. but the fact was he hadn't been and she now had to live with the all consuming guilt that threatened to crush her every time she closed her eyes.

So when the silver tabby closed her eyes and finally fell asleep after a long day. She expected nothing more than to awake into a nightmare. but when Streampaw felt herself starting to dream, it was different. This time when she blinked open her green eyes she wasn't sure were she was. Normally she was thrown right into the nightmare, right into seeing Silverfish and her father's contorted faces yelling at her. but no, she was laying in some soft grass a gentle breeze in her fur. It was sunny, and the sky was clear. Blinking with confusion, she slowly rises to her paws. Was she awake? Did she somehow sleep into the next day and get moved? Puzzled she casts her eyes around, blinking them to adjust to the light. Trying to see further into this... well whatever it was.

Skiv

[Skiv]

Silverfish was back in Starclan hunting grounds, once again. The day before he was called out by a clan mate to guide them to Starclan. It was a horrible sight to see. He didn't know it would be just as hard to guide another from the life of a warrior. but this one was worse, he could tell when he came up to it. Sheepflower was murdered, he did know by who. but it was sad to him. Not just because of Sheepflower's death but because another cat had feel from the clutches of Starclan and turned towards the darkness. He just sighed. And continued forward. He had been watching Stormclan the other day, making sure the kits of Sheepflower's got back safely when he noticed that they were having a ceremony. He watched and accept the warrior names with a smile. Thats when he noticed Streampaw, the kit he died saving. Thats not right. He remembered thinking when he saw her. At that moment he couldn't watch anymore. He had a feeling that this apprentice need some guiding in the right direction so he called upon her, knowing that it if she would accept then she would come. He just padded in the tall grasses wishing that he was back at the river, fishing.

but thats when he noticed something, It was different than when he guided Sheepflower. He stopped turning his head to the right. Then he smiled, I had a feeling you would show up. He thought as he padded towards the cat. The cat that he called on. Padding easily through the grass, he finally spotted the she-cat he was looking for. Streampaw He then silently padded down towards her, his paw steps light as his form appeared a few tail lengths in front of her. He just dipped his head to the apprentice, "Hello Streampaw. I see you have accepted my invitation." He just curled his tail, his pale yellow eyes filled with warmth. As he waited for the apprentice to speak.

Twineheart

[Twineheart]

Streampaw who's eyes had been blinking rapidly to adjust to the light, suddenly gasps. Coming towards her was Silverfish but it wasn't like in her nightmares. He wasn't surrounded by darkness and his face wasn't contorted with anger. No he was almost the same as before he'd died. The only difference being was his fur was glittering with stars. Shocked and confused Streampaw recoils back a little, her paws trembling as she stares at Silverfish. His words however catch her attention and she only looks more confused. " No... no your dead..." She says, shaking her skull rapidly and backing away more. " Your dead and I killed you." She adds her voice cracked as she looks at the tom. She hangs her head waiting for the tormenting to begin, not understanding that this wasn't a normal dream, that she was walking with Starclan, that this was indeed the real Silverfish.

Closing her eyes tight, Streampaw sits on her haunches in the soft grass. Willing herself with all her might to wake up from this, to be back in her warm nest. Away from this nightmare, away from this guilt. but when she cracked an eye, she saw Silverfish's paws. but she didn't hear any tormenting, confused once again she lifts her head. This time really looking into his eyes. There was no malice in them, no anger,no hate. None of the emotions she had experienced in her nightmares. Quite the contrary she saw warmth. Her eyes widen as she realizes where she must be....

Starclan!

Skiv

[Skiv]

Silverfish stopped were he was a few tail lengths from the Stormclan apprentice. He noticed that she seemed shocked and he just realized that it would be normal. For one to see another after they have left the world below and joined the Stars. He watched as she recoiled back in disbelief. The silver swirled tom just let it happen. He waited for her to relax. Not saying anything to scare he more he just stood there. Knowing if he approached closer the young she-cat would never come back. So he just waited but thats when she started talking. More for herself than for him.

"Your dead and I killed you."

That line replayed in the Starclan warriors head. Over and over again. He couldn't believe it. That what had happened to the kit. He finally realized what was wrong with this she-cat. She blamed herself for him being here. When she had nothing to do about it. It wasn't her fault and he would do it again in a heartbeat. Silverfish was loyal to the clan, and it would stay that was until the end. He just watched as Streampaw then looked at him, in his eyes. He watched as she realized where she was. And that he was not going to hurt her. He just took a few step closer so he was in front of her. Before siting down himself. He just frowned slightly and said, "Why are you so hard on yourself Streampaw?" Then he paused not letting her answer the question before saying. "Do you know what the warrior code say about kits Streampaw?" Then he smiled at her and said, "Do remind me please young one."

Twineheart

[Twineheart]

Streampaw who still sat as if glued to the grass stares wide eye'd at Silverfish. Her jaws slightly parted, her green eyes wide and shocked. She watches in complete silence as he came forward and sat before her calmly. His starry pelt glittering magnificently in the sunlight. Could this even be real? She wondered her chest still tight and shoulders stiff. She had of course heard of cats visiting with starclanners in their dreams. but never had she thought she might be one of them.

Suddenly Silverfish is speaking again causing Streampaw's ears to flicker some. She blinks rapidly at his question surprised and puzzled by his question. " I I...." She starts trying to find her voice through her confusion as surprise. but she didn't have an answer for the tom. Why was she so hard on herself? Was it because of what had happened? Or was it something else? Whatever the case she couldn't find anything to say so merely shrugged her shoulders, her paws shifting uncomfortably. Her ears flicking again as he continues to speak. Finally a question she could answer. She thought clearing her throat. " Um... It says..." She strains her thoughts still very confused about seeing Silverfish. Having him so close to her, it made her feel like he wasn't dead. but he is and it is my fault. She thought stomach sinking and her ears drooping. " It says you must help a kit..." She adds realizing she'd been silent a long while. " That a warrior must help a kit who is in trouble or pain...." She adds looking to her paws. She knew this was true but it didn't make her feel much better. He was still dead cause of her. Because she had been a stupid kit and wondered out of camp. Now he would never hunt another day amongst the clan, never speak to or see her father. He was gone from their world all because she had wanted to see the river.

Skiv on mobile device sorry for crappy quality!

[Skiv]

Silverfish just waited. The she-cat was going to be surprised so he just waited patiently. He had a feeling she knew the answer, most kits knew some of the warrior code by the time they became apprentices but he would see how Streampaw would react. He heard her try to speak and he smiled a bit, nodding for her to go on. Then he heard what he was looking for come out of her mouth. He watched as she deflated and looked at her paws. Silverfish looked at her sadly. He knew that she blamed herself. He had to help her get over this. He just said softly, "Streampaw look at me please." Then he just waited calmly to see if she would look at him. If she did or didn't after a few moment the Starclan warrior started to speak.

"When I became a warrior Streampaw the leader asked if I would be loyal to Stormclan and the warrior code even if it costed me my life. And the thing is thats what I did. As a warrior you must obey the warrior code because its our way of life. Theres no turning around when the leader gives you your warrior name. Streampaw, that day I didn't even think about myself. All I knew is that I had to due my duty as a warrior and help a kit that was drowning in the river. I only wanted you to be safe." Then he paused for a moment letting her take that in. Then he said, "Don't be mad at yourself or push others away because of me. You have to stay strong to be the best warrior you can be." Then he just smiled and waited for the young she-cat to take that all in.

Twineheart

[Twineheart]

Skiv

Streampaw forced herself to glance back up at Silverfish when he spoke. Her green eyes, avoiding his gaze directly. She didn't want to look into his eyes, she didn't want to hear his next words. but she waited for them, her shoulders still stiff her body tense. Then they came and she listened in total silence. Her eyes sliding to his directly now, taking in his every word. When he finishes she looks down at her paws almost immediately. Not knowing what to feel, she flickers her fluffy tail some. " but it's n-not fair..." She says at last her eyes sliding back up to his starry form. " It's not fair Silverfish... You shouldn't of died." She says her voice quiet and a little cracked. " Starlingblaze... he'll never forgive me. He says he doesn't blame me but I see it in his eyes whenever he looks at me... he sees you..." She shakes her skull and looks away again, her eyes misty now. " I never meant for anyone to g-get hurt." She mumbles sadly. " Especially not you... or my father..." She finishes her voice trailing away, her ears flicking back to her skull. She should feel better. Here Silverfish was telling her it was okay, that he didn't blame her. but still she couldn't find it in herself to forgive herself, to let go.

[Skiv]

Silverfish watched as the she-cat's green eyes landed on him. She wasn't really looking at him but it was a start. The tom just wanted her to know that no body blamed her for anything. Starclan and picked that time for him to join them, he knew that he was quite young but at least he died a warrior. He would never take back any of it for a second. The silver swirled tom just waited for her to reply. Thats when she started. He knew she had a lot to say. It was a thing now, because being in Starclan he watch over the clans everyday. Making sure they were well taken care of. When she was finished the tom stood up and padded closer to her sitting down next to her. His swirled starry pelt seemed to glow, he just purred at her. "Nothing is ever fair Streampaw." He just then sighed, "It okay to think I should not have died, but Starclan said it was time. I can not change that and neither can you young one." He just then looked around at the land they were at. "As for your father, Starlingblaze. Well he just grieving. We were very close your father and I, he was always getting into trouble and as his mentor I always there to scold him." The Starclan warrior chuckled, "Starlingblaze is probably more hurt that your avoiding him. Streampaw your father lost me. A friend, a mentor." Then the Starclan warrior just stood up knowing that it was time for Streampaw to join her clanmates. He started padding away but stopped and looked back over his shoulder.

"Don't let him loose a daughter too."

OOC: Twineheart, SILVERFISH *cries* Why are you so epic

[Twineheart]

[Skiv lol he is xD end here?]

Streampaw feels Silverfish's ghostly fur brush hers when he sits beside her. Causing her green eyes to flicker back at him, her breath caught in her throat as she looks at him. So close, so real, so... not alive. but she stays frozen there as he speaks taking in his words with a sad look in her eyes. His words however hit her like a ton of bricks, and she shifts uneasily. but then the starry warrior was standing and walking away. Leaving her again... " Wait!" She calls desperatley attemtping to follow him but then realizing it was too late that she was slowly waking up. Going back to her nest in the apprentice den. His last words echoing in her ears, 'Don't let him lose a daughter too.'