(OPEN) I've Got Nothing Left

[CaℳI]

Otterheart padded along, carefully planning his every step. The moon was slipping in and out of view as the pines covered the skyline. Starclan had just came out a little bit ago, and Otterheart was filled with joy, like whenever he got the pleasure of seeing Starclan high in the nighttime sky. His mouth was full with two mice as he returned back into camp, his last hunt for the night. He dropped the mice into the freshkill pile and slowly softened his step. He walked over to the warrior den and sat next to it quietly. He wasn’t tired, Otterheart had always been a night cat. He didn’t value sleep as highly as most of his clan mates.



He hadn’t thought about Leafclan since the last gathering, he had seen Blossomberry there, so he knew she was still around, but tonight he couldn’t help but think about his lost kits. He was happy here in Stormclan, and had no interest in going back to Leafclan, but he couldn’t help but wonder every now and then. His mind was flooding with horrible thoughts. I hope Frogpaw is still alive…I don’t even know why I care, not like the kits were mine anyways. So he didn’t know that for sure, but he suspected it. He knew very well that six moons had gone by since he last seen his old mate and the one kit he had left. No way Frogpaw hadn’t gotten his warrior name by now, if the young apprentice had even survived the horrible badger attack. He snapped out of his thoughts as he heard a voice. A clanmate, he could sense it, he could smell it.

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How could any cat sleep with the moon as big as it was tonight? Snowshadow had retired to the warriors den some time ago, after a nice meal and a long groom. She watched with interest as her clan mates filed in one or two at a time, mewing among themselves in light hearted conversation. They all slowly wandered into their individual nest and soon the chatter died, melting off into soft snores. but not Snowshadow, her honey colored eyes were pointed upwards, looking through the small holes in the den to watch the moon. It casted off a white glow, battling the darkness of the night sky and giving everything a silver shine. She wasn't sure how long she had been looking at it, she loved when it was full and big.

Soon something else caught her attention, another cat. She had sworn everyone had gone to bed but when she she looked back inside the den a nest was indeed empty. She looked back up at the large cat padding towards the den after placing something in the fresh kill pile. Once the cat was close enough she could smell and see it was Otterheart. The adopted Leafclan warrior. Snowshadow didn't know him very well, but then again Snowshadow didn't know any cat very well. She had always felt outcasted from her clan though they did nothing to make her feel this way. She was simply insecure about herself, probably annoyingly so but she couldn't help it. Still, if she felt outcasted from a clan she was born into, she couldn't imagine what Otterheart felt. but then again maybe he didn't care, she wasn't at liberty to say. She quietly got to her paws, shaking off what moss she had on her pelt before gingerly stepping to the entrance.
"Can't sleep?" She mewed softly, looking into the male's green eyes. She made herself comfortable next to him, sitting down and wrapping her thick tail around her paws, looking to the other warrior.

[CaℳI]

Otterheart had always cared a little too much about what the Stormclan cats thought of him. Little did he know, most of them had accepted him. He was a strong warrior and faithful to his new clan. More faithful then he had ever been to Leafclan really. His paranoid side always seemed to get in the way. One little smerky comment could set Otterheart into a rage of disrespect towards his clanmates. Luckily that had only happened a few times. Often he would go back and apologize later when he wasn't in his paranoid state. Most cats forgave him, most cats knew how he could be. but he had a giant heart, and those who were kind to him, he returned the kindness to.

"Snowshadow." He said kindly with a light purr. He was glad to have some company on such a lonely night. Otterheart's tail lightly wrapped around his paws as he spoke softly...or as softly as he could. He had a rather deep voice. "No. It seems tonight I won't be getting too much sleep. I'm not tired I guess." He looked up at the moon for a moment, letting his green eyes shine back at the silver lining around the beautiful orb. "It seems you can't sleep either?" It sounded like a question, but he figured it to be true.

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The air seemed colder tonight than it had the night before. A weak breeze ruffled Frostpaw's fur, and he hunched his shoulders against the chill. The tabby turned his head to face the moon. He squinted his pale green eyes, making the snowy-white circle blur, and the stars to shift in and out of focus. He flattened his ears, and glanced at the apprentice's den. A warm nest would welcome him, but it would come with harsh words from his brothers. Perhaps Snowpaw would stop them, but what did she care? She was probably already asleep. His brothers might he, too, but Frostpaw was not willing to take the risk. He didn't want to go to sleep with snarky comments ringing in his ears like he had for the past weak.
The young apprentice turned his head, and spotted two cats across the camp. A she-cat and a tom, apparently in conversation. A small wave of nervous energy washed over him, but he shook it off. He didn't care if they snapped at him for whatever he did. Besides, they were probably friendlier than his brothers.
Frostpaw let out a sigh, and headed across the clearing to the other side of camp. He gave each of them a respectful nod, though a hint of sarcasm flashed in his eyes. he didn't enjoy the amount of respect he had to give these warriors.
"Mind if I join you?" he mumbled, avoiding their eyes.

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Snowshadow shook her head softly, "Nope." She mewed, "I like to look at the night sky though. I like to watch the moon." She commented, directing her attention upwards. A soft breeze stirred, combing through her silver fur with cold claw strokes. She shivered unintentionally, her white whiskers twitching.
"What a cold wind." She said, looking down and spotting a small figure. She watched the shadown trot towards them before she realized it was an apprentice. Should he not be curled up in his nest? Surely he would be trianing after sun rise like any other morning. Snowshadows ears perked as she watched him curiously, his eyes meeting theirs only long enough to greet them before avoiding Otterhearts and hers.
"Hello, Frostpaw." She meowed politely.
"Mind if I join you?"
She looked to Otterheart for a split second before back to the apprentence, she felt a little odd about allowing a younger cat stay up so late into the night and wasn't sure how to turn him down. Was there a clan rule about this?
"I suppose it's ok for a few moments." She said nervously, casting another look in Otterheart's direction. He probably thought she was such a mouse-brain, or at the very least a push-over. She suddenly felt the need to curl back into her nest and hide but stayed still, watching the other two.

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Frostpaw looked up for split second, catching some sort of movement from the she-cat. He narrowed his eyes as she shot a glance at Otterheart, and curiosity bubbled up inside of him. Had he interrupted something?
"I suppose it's okay for a few moments."
Frostpaw perked his ears, not missing the slight quaver in her voice that meant she was nervous. Nervous? About what? He saw another glance pass between her and Otterheart, and raised a non-existent eyebrow. Was he missing something between these two.
Well, it was either that, or the fact that she didn't want to speak with him, but didn't want to be rude, either. Frostpaw had enough rude comments to go around. He forced himself not to grin, amused at this new idea. Yes, that was probably the more likely reason.
He took a seat, ruffling his fur against the cold. "I won't stay long." he said hoarsely, ignoring his desire to add on the words, since you clearly don't want me here. Instead, he shuffled his paws, and dug his pale white claws into the dirt.
"Did either of you go hunting today?" he asked, attempting to start up a conversation, no matter how poorly he tried.

[CaℳI]

Otterheart looked back up at the moon again, "The moon is truly beautiful." Otterheart did agree that it was cold, but he had one of the thickest pelts in all of Stormclan. His auburn pelt blew in the wind delicately for a moment before calming down again. He moved a little closer to Snowshadow, simply for warmth. He curled his tail back over his paws as if to protect them from the breeze rolling in.

Otterheart barely noticed Frostpaw walking over. He simply gave him a friendly nod. The new deputy was still trying to get used to the fact that he was now forced to interact with all different kinds of cats. He had never been one to spend time with apprentices. They tended to remind him of his sons and daughter, something he would rather forget. He looked silently at Snowshadow. He respected her politeness. He would have said the same thing. Probably something along the lines of If you would like, you may. More or less, I don't care what you do in more or less words. Otterheart had always thought Frostpaw was an arrogant, rude cat. He thought he was better then he was in Otterheart's eyes, the cat wasn't deserving of his attention.

He tried hard to respect the fact that Frostpaw was trying to start a conversation. If he was smart in the least bit, he would avoid his sharp and nasty tongue, Otterheart was fast to be a nightmare of an enemy when cats were mouse-brain enough to insult him. He would try his best to give respect, as long as it was returned to him. but already, he didn't have a strong liking to Frostpaw. "Of course, I did. I went out with a small hunting patrol this morning. He caught a good amount. Then I went out again by myself a little while ago, I only caught one large mouse though. The cold has scared all the prey into their hiding holes for the night." He spoke just like he was speaking to a friend. He then gave Snowshadow a short smile and waited for her reply. He didn't mention how much he had on his mind during the hunt. Between his new position in the clan, and the nagging memory of Blossomberry, who would obviously see him at gatherings now.

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Snowshadow caught Otterhearts eye at the last of his sentence, watching his lips curl slightly with a small smile towards her. Her expressive eyes flashed with nerves for a split second, he actually didn't hate talking with her? She was always so sure the others in the clan thought her to be weird, or at the very least a hermit-crab because she was never social. She returned the smiled with a shy nervous one, her ears lowering ever so slightly before she spoke herself, "Yes, the cold is really starting to sink into the earth." She commented before moving on, her ears perking again, "I went out around sun-high with a few others for the hunting patrol and didn't come back until evening patrol was leaving." She hadn't even bothered to count how many she had gotten today, it never crossed her mind. Hunting always made the time slip away from Snowshadow, like rain water on a fern. She enjoyed it so much because it gave her something else to concentrate on, rather then trying to think of all the things that are wrong with her. And there were a lot to think about.
"How about you Frostpaw?" She asked earnestly.

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Frostpaw blinked his round, pale green eyes, and glanced between the two of them. He'd have to be patient, and respectful, if he really wanted to make a good impression. He never spent much time with his Clanmates, but he tried to make an effort to seem polite when speaking with his elders. Otterheart began to speak, and Frostpaw swung his head to look at his deputy.
"Of course, I did. I went out with a small hunting patrol this morning. He caught a good amount. Then I went out again by myself a little while ago, I only caught one large mouse though. The cold has scared all the prey into their hiding holes for the night."
Frostpaw nodded, his head tilted as if in curiosity. It was actually a little uncomfortable, but he did it to seem truly interested in what they were saying. He didn't really want to pay attention, but which was better? Boring words, or harsh words? Frostpaw would take boring over harsh any day.
"Yes, the cold is really starting to sink into the earth." Snowshadow said.
Frostpaw nodded in agreement. "I'd say leaf-fall is coming soon."
"I went out around sun-high with a few others for the hunting patrol and didn't come back until evening patrol was leaving. What about you, Frostpaw?"
Frostpaw smirked, and bent to lick his chest to hide any annoyance in his eyes. When he was certain he could look polite and intrigued, he looked up, pale green eyes shining. "I don't have a mentor yet, Snowshadow. No training means no hunting."

[CaℳI]

Otterheart thought he may have been harsh to judge. He knew his paranoia was probably at it again. Calm down, Otterheart, this apprentice is not judging you....unless he is! but he isn't, he isn't, not every single cat is judging you....unless every single cat is....but probably not. I should try not to judge. It isn't very nice. He's just trying to learn the ways of the clan. So maybe he was having some conflicting thoughts, but his face stayed focus on the conversation. He left no expression of his inner battles, he never had. It wasn't like him to let others in very often.

Otterheart kind of felt bad that he didn't have a mentor, but he wasn't about to offer. He didn't want to take on more then he could chew, and he was already mentoring Cloudpaw. Normally he would have offered though. "I'm sorry Frostpaw. I'm sure you'll get a mentor soon. Are you more excited to learn hunting or fighting skills?"

Otterheart knew it was a simple question, but it had sparked conversation in the past, it was always something he asked his own apprentices. He was on his fifth, and he hadn't asked Cloudpaw yet, but he figured her response would be the same as all the other young cat's he had ever mentor. They always said fighting. He wasn't sure why. Personally he had better enjoyed hunting training. It was less to remember. Even though he was very good at both hunting and fighting, he was slow. His giant build and thick pelt made him a lot slower then most of Stormclan cats. He was a good swimmer though. He had always been slow. How unfortunate. It would probably be the death of him at some point, and he knew that of course.

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"I'm sorry Frostpaw." Frostpaw turned to face Otterheart, who was the one who spoke. He kept his gaze on the deputy's mouth, rather than making eye contact. He always felt uncomfortable meeting the gaze of an older warrior, unless he was angry. And at the moment, he wasn't. "I'm sure you'll get a mentor soon. Are you more excited to learn hunting or fighting skills?"
"Hunting." Frostpaw answered, quickly and easily. He knew full well he would prefer hunting over fighting. He liked the idea of being bigger and scarier than his opponent, and how he could play with it before he killed it. He could have more fun hunting, he figured. And hunting wasn't life-threatning.
"I might ask Foxclaw to be my mentor." he mused, almost forgetting the previous question. "He's my uncle. A bit of a pain, but I like him."

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Now Snowshadow really wanted to thump herself, she didn't know he hadn't been assigned a mentor yet. She thought about it momentarily and shivered again though this time not from the cold. She could never teach another cat, she just wasn't ready for it. What if she just pulls a complete blank and forgets all her training herself? And teach the poor cat wrong hunting styles and moves until he's a complete mess. She looked to Otterheart as he voiced his question and took a moment to take a deep quiet breath letting it out slowly to be silent. She cleared the thought from her mind, she simply wasn't ready to apprentice another. She finally snapped back to the conversation as Frostpaw answered, "Hunting.".
She smiled approvingly, "I liked the hunting part of training too. I didn't know which I would like at first though, I didn't really know what to expect, but I definitely liked hunting the best."
"I might ask Foxclaw to be my mentor. He's my uncle. A bit of a pain, but I like him."
She envisioned the cat a moment and nodded quietly, looking to Otterpaw.

[CaℳI]

Otterheart had been looking straight ahead as he spoke. He normally did this, but something made him turn to catch Snowshadow's eye. His green eyes shined in the darkness like a precious gem. He was getting an off feeling that she might be uncomfortable. Maybe it was just his paranoia though. He hoped she wasn't uncomfortable with him, he just wanted everyone to feel like they belonged really. He knew how it felt to feel like an outcast. He had felt that way in Stormclan for a long while. Now he felt safe finally, safe and comfortable.

"I'm sure your uncle would be happy to train you." He said kindly as he turned to look at Frostpaw. He seemed accustomed to speaking the same way Otterheart did. Looking forward, with no eye contact. Otterheart never meant to avoid eye contact, he actually liked looking into other cat's eyes, but sometimes he did it with out even knowing. He hoped it didn't come off as disrespectful.

He looked back over at Snowshadow, "Well it seems we all have something in common. I always liked hunting better too. Shockingly all four apprentices I've had in all of my moons as a warrior always said they liked learning fighting better. I haven't asked Cloudpaw yet though. I start her training in the morning. Have you had apprentices yet Snowshadow?" He couldn't exactly remember if she had or not.

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"Well it seems we all have something in common. I always liked hunting
better too. Shockingly all four apprentices I've had in all of my moons
as a warrior always said they liked learning fighting better. I haven't
asked Cloudpaw yet though. I start her training in the morning. Have
you had apprentices yet Snowshadow?"
Her whiskers twitched with pleasure at the thought of having anything in common with any cat. True I suppose there was only two options but the thought of her being the same made her feel warm inside. She shook her head 'no' at Otterhearts question, "No, I haven't had any apprentices yet." She mewed, "I'm hoping to wait a little longer, I get nervous thinking about it," An understatement in Snowshadows mind, every time the thought occurred to her she nearly had a panic attack before being forced to think of something else, "I just don't feel ready yet, I guess." She sighed softly. Just another thing to make her feel more worthless then she already did.
"Do you enjoy it?" She suddenly asked, surprising herself a little. Maybe if she had anothers inside opinion of training someone it could ease her own stress. She uncurled her tail and swung it behind her to curl again but on the other side.

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As the two older cats engaged in conversation, Frostpaw stretched his paws out in front of him, and let his head rest between them. Everyone here seemed to be uncomfortable with each other, and that really made him want to laugh. It was ridiculous, and somehow he was a part of it! He glanced back and forth between Snowshadow and Otterheart, his ears following the conversation. They spoke with each other now, not bothering with him. Well, they'd probably ask him a question sooner or later, and until then, he decided to stay quiet.