I don't belong here . . . .

[Dyzzie]

Isilme -- surprise? She's been missing him and needs someone to talk to.

Swallowbreeze
"I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know"

The tortiouseshell female moved slowly through the dark, treading from shadow to shadow to keep from being seen. She'd made it this far. From Stormclan territory to the Pond of Truce. Again. Why did she keep coming back. She knew she shouldn't. She knew she should stop. but . . . here she was . . . again . . . . but not for the normal reason. Her gaze didn't sweep the area for him. Her ears didn't perk at the lightest sound with hope. No. She was far to distracted this time.

Far to distressed.

She moved quietly towards the tree, the tree they'd met at so many times before, abet met unintentionally. She slowly let herself lower to the ground, curling up with her sleek tail snug over her paws, keeping her wrapped in a tiny ball. She dare not cry though, there'd be no point in that, in crying. No point at all. She quivered softly, eyes closing briefly as she lay her muzzle over her paws. Her self-esteem had dropped greatly, her joy and pride in being a clan-cat and fallen even further. Her faith in herself had suffered the most. What type of cat was she to not just get caught up on an outside male, but to go as far as to get drawn in by his pretty words . . . to have his kit. A kit who'd seemed to disappear from the world as well lately. She knew she shouldn't expect anything less. Her little sky-tom was growing up, and soon he'd be a warrior himself . . . and she'd have less purpose to stick around.

Stick around.

That was the problem she was finding she had. She didn't seem to feel the desire to stick close to her clan anymore. She didn't feel connected, or part of it, and more than not, now adays, Swallowbreeze was wondering why she was still part of the clan. Why she hadn't already left and run off. Why she was still trying.

Finally, a tear.

It fell slowly, caressing the fur of her cheek, slicking the already sleek fur down, and instantly more followed, until the pretty female was crying quietly to herself, curled up into a ball. What a failure she was. Here she was, crying, because her life was in shambles, and she couldn't trust herself to be true to her clan anymore. She could barely trust herself to be true to Starclan. Starclan. Could they even really care about her, about any of the other cats. If they did, why would it be so bad for two cats to fall in love, even if they were from different clans. That is what she truly wanted to know. Why couldn't she be happy with the tom she cared for. Why must the fact they had a kit be such a bad thing!

Did he love her?

Her mind finally trailed to the ivory tom she was slowly, but surely, keeping an eye out for, hoping she'd see him close by eventually, even as she wanted to turn away and hide because of the tears. The tears that still flowed freely. What did he really think of her. Did he notice her not being around. Did he care where she was? Would he care now if he saw her crying, or would he turn and leave. Did he really care at all, or was she just another tail to catch.

No, not him.

She couldn't think that. Sh couldn't believe that it might be true that she was just another female to him. Nothing important. Oh, where was he. She needed to see him now more than ever. Desperately so even . . . Just to know that someone might be there to listen, to give her a shoulder to lean on, a side to cuddle into, and a heart to fill. Her eyes closed softly as she shivered against the cold of the evening, hiding in the shadows so no one else might see her, letting herself wallow in the despair, crying softly as she did so. What was she do with herself. What was she to do with her life.

"I've found out a reason for me, to change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you"

[Isilme]

(Dyz, you nearly made me cry ç.ç)

He was late today, well, the tom had been late for several days now after all, she hadn't come anymore... It was indeed true that he had different mates but that didn't mean that the tom had no feelings for those she cats he had been with, they all had give him something and he cared deeply for them, besides Dovefeather that was so much like him, Swallowbreeze had been very close to the male before she vanished that is, the tom sighed his paws had no desire to go and find yet another empty pound of truce until the sun set and he had to go back to his clan...

The wind blew past him and brought a smell that he hadn't felt in a long time, blue eyes widened, she had come, Moonpelt ran his long legs providing a good speed and before he could think twice about it the small tortoise was in front of his eyes curled up and crying, his heart was beating fast as he availed the female in front of him. "Swallowbreeze what's wrong?" He meowed worry clear in his voice, oh my he had grow soft.

The male approached her not waiting for permission and touched noses with the she cat before laying beside her his large body curled protective around her smaller frame, his tail wraped around her own and he nuzzled her neck purring softly. "What happened my dear? Someone hurt you?" A dangerous line entered his voice in the last part, who would dare to hurt such a cute and adorable she cat? The male thoughs ran and he was ready to kill the bastard that had hurt her.

[Dyzzie]

He wasn't coming. He doesn't like you anymore. Who would, you're just trash. Your own clan doesn't trust you. The thoughts had plagued her the entire way to the Pond of Truce, and then some. And now that she was here, they rawred louder in her head. She'd been away too long. She wasn't worth his time. She wasn't worth anyone's time. Leave. Run. Never return. Never go back. Go away. Far, far away. Leave this life. Leave it. Those thoughts had been haunting her for the past few moons. Her faith in Starclan, in her own clan, was dwindling. Her desire to remain in her own clan was flat lining. And the life of a loner, or even a rogue was more tempting. but she had to try, she had to see him, talk to him, tell him one last time, at least one last time. She needed his help, his opinion. He was the only one she could go to.

He's here.

Moonpelt. His scent touched her nose, like a fresh breath of air to a drowning victim, his voice soft, asking her what was wrong, and approaching. She looked up as his nose touched hers and then there he was, curled up to her, his tail wrapped around her, nuzzling her neck, purring. When was the last time she purred? She curled into his side, seeking his warmth, his scent, her face soon buried in his chest fur, listenin when he spoke again. Had someone hurt her?

He had.

The thought was not truly her own, a mere fact of what the time-line suggested. It all went wrong when they first me. THe story of his clan had the doubt in clans forming. Their relationship made for her own doubt in her clan to form. Their kit and her being in trouble led to the doubt in star clan. How could new life be so bad? How could love be so ill fated. She slowly felt the tears slow, even as she clung to him, shaking faintly. A delicate as a leaf. Ironic considering his clan.

Where to begin?

She remained curled close, even as she slowly spoke, "I don't know what to do, or who I even am anymore, Moonpelt . . . ." She finally meowed, her voice soft, delicate, as fragile as her own state of being, her own mind. "I'm so sorry I haven't been back. I've not been fully allowed to wonder anywhere outside of the clan. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to leave the nursery." The nursery. Skykit. He didn't know. "Our relationship was caught, when I became pregnant. We have a son . . . He looks just like you." The touch of a smile to her tone, showing just how deep her love went for the tom, for their son. "but my clan has lost all faith in me." She whispered, her shoulders hunching, almost as if she were cowering.

She was.

She hated to admit it, but she needed to tell someone, to see if anyone could talk her out of it, "I don't know if I can stay there, Moonpelt. My faith in Stormclan, in even Starclan is dwindling. I hate to admit it, but I've been considering leaving the clans fully. A loner, or a rogue. Something quieter, something where no one can judge me for being in love with you. I just can't handle the way the clans react to forbidden relationships. Why should love ever be limited. Why should our love be denied, just because we're of different clans. I can't do it anymore, Moonpelt. I can't handle the judgement." She couldn't handle the life.

[Isilme]

The male heard her words in silence acceptance, she was so sad and broken he could easily notice by her tone and everything she said only made him feel guilty because it was kind of his fault that she was like this, not everyone was made to break the warrior code as he did and now he had ruined Swallowbreeze, but when she talked about Skykit. "Wait wait, we have a son?" He asked a little incredulos blue eyes wide with surprise how... "Why didn't you tell me? I would have tried to help somehow I, how old is he?" The male asked feeling a little betrayed but his happiness was bigger than that, he was a father, again, but the sensation was always the same. "Tell me me about him Swallowbreeze, I don't want to be just a ghost in his life if possible I would like to meet him." Moonpelt said blue eyes sparkling happily.

After his minor explosion about Skykit he again listened to her words patiently and purred harder trying to confort her and cuddling the she cat even more. "Don't you remember our first meeting here?" He asked voice soft as silk. "I said the same thing, my clan jugded me all the time and I wanted to leave, don't you remember your words my dear?" The white male almost whispered. "You said don't give up, prove yourself and they will see the changes and they will believe." Blue eyes found her own as he talked. "You are strong Swallowbreeze, they don't really know you to jugde your actions and as you said, love is not to be frowed upon, we have a beautiful son how could this be a bad thing? You are still the same brave warrior you were the first time my eyes found yours, you just need someone to remind you of this." And then he got up his eyes still focused on her. "C'mon, let's go clear this little mind of yours."

[Dyzzie]

The she-cat glanced up at him, seeing the look in her eyes and instantly nuzzled closer, snuggling up to him softly, licking his jaw, "Hey, don't go looking so guilty. I could never regret our time together, and any of our future stolen moments." She purred softly, before looking down shyly at his outburst, "I wanted to tell you, but, I couldn't leave the camp. He's almost ready for his apprentice ceremony. Maybe in another moon or two. He's just about four and a half moons now, I believe." She purred softly, snuggling, "He knows all about you. I wouldn't dream of keeping his father from him." SHe meowed, "And I hope to one day bring him here with me. I would have today, but . . . wit the weather. I just didnt want to risk it. In newleaf, if you can wait till then, I'll bring him with me, so you may meet him." She purred assuredly.

She happily accepted the cuddling, looking up when he spoke before softly sighing, "I don't know if I can do any good. I've seen the way some of the others look at me now. I was never a popular cat before, too much of a loner, but even the leader looks at me as if I'll never be able to be a true warrior again in her eyes . . . . what if his whole thing backlashes on Skykit too. I just don't know how to do this." She murmured before finally nodding, accepting his words with a small smile, "I'm trying to be strong, I really am. What we have is special, and our son proves it. I'm not going to stop meeting with you either, so don't even think that will happen . . . I really am sorry I've been away. It's . . . . just been hard to sneak away." She purred, before nodding, "I will keep trying. I promise." She finally amended. at east for right now, she'll keep trying.

When he suddenly spoke, standing, her eyes lit up, for the first time in days. Who knew all it took was getting close to this tom, and she'd be all smiles again. Standing, and flicking her tail lazily, she tilted her head faintly to the side, "Well, what do you have in mind then, dear Moonpelt?" Unspoken: She'd follow him anywhere.

[Isilme]

The male purred nuzzling her softly before guiding the female to the pond, the place was very different in gatherings and only in moments like these they could really enjoy it's beauty, the melting snow and birds singing made the place extra peaceful and romantic what the tom would of course use in his favor to calm her down, seeing Swallowbreeze so broken had made him reflect about life in general and so he said. "You see, sometimes when the change comes to us, we fight against it believing that chaging out life, will only bring bad things and trouble but sometimes, this change that we so much avoid is everything we need but ourselves, mean as we are, refuse it because it's not the way we want it." He meowed quite serious his voice sober as his eyes observed their reflect in the water. "Great things are about to happen and we are laying in the edge of this abiss, our lives may depend of the choices we make today.... And I chose to be by your side when you need me" Moonpelt whispered purring softly near her ear, his warm breath caressing her short fur.

Dyzzie

[Dyzzie]

The female relaxed at his nuzzle, his purr rumbling through her body from their close contact as she followed him towards the pond, her lengthy pelt brushing against his, her ears perking and the female slowly began to calm down. She looked up when he spoke, turning her yellow eyes onto the handsome tom, nodding at his serious words, before following his gaze to their reflection. She smiled softly, side stepping closer and pressing her cheek against his neck, staring down at their reflections before taking a deep breath, "Which change is the right change for me then?" She mused. She stood at a diverged road, one leading to a life of peace outside the clan, the other led to her struggling to make herself better than what the others thought. She sighed as she snuggled closer, "I wish I could always be by your side. No clans to get in our way, to tell us that what we feel isn't real. No cold remarks or disturbed looks from those who learn we've been together . . . we are together. Love isn't a bad thing, it's a good one. . . . ." She took a deep breath before looking up at the tom, "And frankly, if the clans can't accept that any kind of love is good, no matter where the two lovers might come from originally . . . . I cannot respect that part of the warrior code. I cannot blindly follow Starclan if they would try to keep us from one another. My loyalty has always been to Stormclan, being with you didn't change that . . . . but their reactions are chipping away that loyalty, shredding the trust I have for my clan . . . ." She sighed as she lowered her gaze back to the water, "Moonpelt, would you still love me . . . If I were to leave the Clan Life to become a loner?" She tilted her head, "Can you fault me for not taking my own advice that I gave you so many moons ago in this exact spot. Could you ever forgive me if I left the Clans behind?" She didn't have the courage to hear the answer to a single unspoken question - Would he come with her if she asked?