So Many Things to Tell Her || Tagged!

[Carotius]

Lionhearted

---

The blue-grey tom took in a deep breath of tired relief as he padded back into camp, exhaustion and fatigue beginning to weigh down his paws, dragging down his lithe body with each step. Another hot greenleaf day finally came to an end, with borders marked and prey brought home to refill the food supply. Warriors and apprentices alike took their training seriously and with gusto, though it wasn't without special instructions to bring back moss dripping with water - the heat was beginning to make cats thirsty, the deputy himself included.

Thistlehawk glanced upwards into the ceiling of the main cave, squinting his green eyes, catching glimpses of the glittering stars through the little cracks. Very soon, the pale moonlight would filter in and dapple the ground with pretty blotches of white and silver, giving the otherwise dull grey and brown surfaces a more lively appearance. The nights are cooler, at least. Content washed over him as he surveyed the clearing, watching his Clanmates share tongues or retreat into the dens for a possible early slumber; a slight twinge of sadness jabbed him when he focused his green eyes on the nursery. Did he just see his identical pelt slip in there, or was that just his imagination?

Whatever...

Muttering, he pushed into the warriors' den, carefully stepping over some of the dozing pelts as he made his way into his nest within the centre of the den. It was warmest here, so the tabby needn't worry about waking up from cold in the middle of the night. And yet, something about it didn't feel comforting. He sighed, circling his nest once before settling down. Just another day of waiting.

[Lionhearted]

The pale yellow-tabby she-cat sat on the top of the small rocky hill, her shoulders straight in a display of hopefulness, peering around the bottom of the slope as the sun set. There was a final bright flash of light, and then the night settled in. A rustle of a bush sounded nearby, and Brightfish pricked her ears, her heart rising.

No. It was just a mouse. Stupidly, it ran her way and she lunged forward half-heartedly to claw it to death. Picking it up, she looked around, her nose sniffing for a familiar scent. Nothing. Her mind flashed back to the tom again, that handsome tom whom she had met for a split second, then had never seen him again. He said he had been around often, but after their first encounter had been their last. She still remembered his name.

Venus.

She had liked that tom. He looked good, and he was smooth-talking. A cat of her dreams. True, she knew she was being shallow and that she didn't know anything else about him. He could be mean. He could be unfaithful. He could be nice... she preferred to let her imagination run.

Disappointed, she padded into the camp. She had been looking for him every other day, when she had time, but there was, of course, no luck. It was hot, it was dry, and definitely not an ideal day for anything. Heaving a sigh, she slouched into the warriors' den and slumped near body. She was tired to the bone, and sitting for a while after duties had not been a good idea. Brightfish did not feel like moving her stiff joints again to try to find her nest.

With a jolt, she recognized Thistlehawk's scent. How awkward. The deputy and her first crush... did she still like him? Her heart would still beat faster when she saw him... he was nice. Really. Okay, he was still cute. He wasn't some figment of her dreams, either. And he was here instead of Venus. Wow, I've forgotten about him... sort of. He's not going anywhere.

"Sorry," she said to him in the dark, "can I sleep here too?"

[Carotius]

The tabby was quite ready to doze into the realm of sleep and dreams, so it was quite the jolt of his senses when he felt something brush against his back. Eyes flew open as he raised his head up sharply, clearing away the sleepiness edging his vision. It's not an attack, relax! Even with self-assurance such as that, it wasn't easy to rid the mind of whatever possibilities that lay in the negative zones. It was imperative now that he blink himself back to full consciousness, just in case this was an attack...or, at least, some cat requiring his assistance...at the wrong time.

"Sorry... Can I sleep here too?"

Thistlehawk slowly turned his head to face the direction of the coming moonlight framing a figure. Something about that voice triggered an emotion deep within his stomach, one he hadn't felt since the sudden influx of duties he needed to keep up with. Brightfish. The pale she-cat's scent tickled the insides of his nose, making her shadowy form much more recognisable in the gloom, even with the lack of sight. Wordlessly, the deputy scooted over, leaving Brightfish a little more room to settle comfortably in; it felt strange to be with her again, what more when he knew there was some...connection between them.

Was it still there?

"Oh, uh.. Sure. There's enough room for two of us," he clamped his lower jaw shut in alarm at the words that followed, unsure if he was even aware of what he was saying. "I mean... I don't mind. It's going to get cold in the night, after all."

[Lionhearted]

"Okay, thanks," said Brightfish quickly. She could sense an aura of sadness wreathed around the deputy, and it took all her willpower not to ask what was causing it. Keeping her jaws shut, she stared blankly into the space ahead of her, unable to sleep, her mind switching between Thistlehawk and Venus. The air between them had gone into a tense silence, and Brightfish could also detect a bubble of awkwardness growing between them. Yes, she remembered. They had had something going on between them before. Were there pieces still left?

"but what about Venus?" she said out loud, not aware that she had done so. You're being a mouse-brain. You only knew him for about a day. Brightfish was a sucker for good looks, but deep down she knew that Venus was probably never going to be in her life again. Flicking her tail, she squirmed slightly, opening her jaws to say something to Thistlehawk, but closing it again. Swallowing, she placed her head on her paws and waited for the awkwardness bubble to eventually burst.

[Carotius]

Welp. Here comes the awkwardness again. Stifling a whiny groan, the large tom shoved his nose underneath his forepaws, trying very hard to ignore the strange fluttering in his stomach as Brightfish settled down next to him. It's still there. I still have feelings for her. After moons of simply acknowledging each other in and out of camp, Thistlehawk could hardly believe he still managed to retain the crush he possessed over the pale she-cat; most toms would be rid of their crushes quickly once they lacked the communications in the next few moons, and move on to the next cat of interest.

His ears perked up in interest when his Clanmate mentioned a name. Who's Venus? A sinking feeling told him the name belonged to another tom Brightfish somehow stumbled upon in their hiatus period, and by the sound of the name, said tom must be one of the three categories of outsiders, more likely a rogue or loner rather than a kittypet. Part of the tabby gathered that she hadn't meant to blurt that rhetorical question out loud. She...likes someone else too.. Thistlehawk wanted to keep his muzzle beneath his paws, to just let sleep take over him, but he couldn't - memories of Lyra flooded into his mind. He loved the ghostly white loner, even to the extent of hoping for kits with her. How different was he to Brightfish who probably fell for this Venus fellow? Not that much. And yet... Lyra disappeared without a trace, like she never existed.

'You deserve a family.

You deserve love.

I want you to find happiness too.'

How can I find happiness if I don't know where to start anymore? He thought to himself miserably, answering the disembodied voice echoing in the back of his mind. Green eyes slid shut, not to sleep, but to hide within himself, away from the warriors' den where the sleepy sounds of his Clanmates became more prominent.

'You just need to look into your heart.'

Thistlehawk's ears swivelled back into an erect position. Silence fell over him as he reopened his eyes, staring thoughtfully at the opposite wall of the den as the words circled around. Slowly, he pulled his nose out from where he had shoved them into his forepaws, lifting his head back up into an awake position; his heart began to beat slightly faster as he pieced together thoughts and words, his tail tip twitching anxiously. 

Looks like now or never.

"Brightfish," he pretended his husky voice didn't startle him - it sounded uncharacteristically loud in the peaceful hum of camp. He turned his head only slightly, allowing his muzzle to move in the direction of the pale tabby warrior. "I think we've held off long enough."

[Lionhearted]

"Brightfish."

She heard Thistlehawk's voice slicing through the palpable tension of the darkness, breaking through the silence at last. Her heart beat faster; it was almost the first time she'd hear him say her voice again, and she loved the sound of his voice. It was strangely gravelly, but she fixed her eyes in the direction of his body, even though she couldn't see him.

"I think we've held off long enough."

So he did still like her. Her heart almost leapt out of her chest. And she liked him back. She knew that right when her excitement and agitation exploded right after he said that. but she needed to know for sure. For herself.

"You... still like me?" she managed to croak out, her amber eyes growing wide. She could smell his familiar scent wafting towards her, and she fell into a trance of comfort. but something still stirred uneasily-- did he say it just because he was getting lonely, or something else? The long gap between their relationship was most likely not an accident. Brightfish held herself back-- she was not going to pester him with questions, because she knew herself that she did not like to be pestered.

[Carotius]

Lionhearted

"You...still like me?"

Something about the she-cat's response made Thistlehawk's belly squirm, even more so as the former seemed to tense from shock and maybe some ounce of hopeful surprise. So she actually reciprocated the feelings since their first meet. Maybe she even hoped they'd end up together as mates. Or was that as good a chance as flying? I'm no longer sure... Being apart from friends and family had a strange toll on cats, and Thistlehawk was beginning to learn that spending too much times on deputy duties weren't always the best choices.

but now was a way to change all that.

He shifted himself into a more comfortable position, one that allowed his head to face Brightfish without strain, where the faint moonlight could strike his emerald eyes and glitter like the reflection on a river surface. His white forepaw toyed with the edges of his nest, small bits of moss tearing from it to cling onto his claws, much like how he seemed to be clinging to the idea of the pale tabby warrior still holding mutual feelings for him. Now or never. The tom lifted up his gaze from the floor, locking gazes with the deep amber ones of the she-cat he hadn't managed to sit and chat with for the past few moons.

"Being lonely isn't really a nice feeling, and it's kinda worse if you ever get the chance to realise you grew used to it," he began slowly, softly, his tabby tail brought closer to his flank as he gave Brightfish a regretful look. "but.. I guess the worst of it is being alone when the cat you want by your side for life is right there, just a mouse-length from your reach."

[Lionhearted]

Tagged: Carotius [Thistlehawk]

Brightfish's spirits almost lifted her, literally, off her feet. That's so sweet! she silently gushed. And romantic. She gave him a wide smile, and scooched closer. "I understand," she said solemnly. Swallowing, she added more quietly, "it's been too long." Curling up, she fell silent for a moment. That means I'm letting go of Venus, she reminded herself firmly. It wasn't like she was shouldering him away the moment Thistlehawk had spoken... or was it? Was she jumping into this too quickly again? She had fallen for Venus because of his charm and good looks... perhaps Thistlehawk... no. He couldn't be like that. He was her Clan's loyal deputy, and she knew, for some reason, that he wouldn't be leaving her like Venus did. Deep down, she felt herself drawn to him. She saw him everyday, even the day when she had spoken to Venus.

And she could pick out his blue-gray pelt among thousands. She could recognize him like someone recognized their kit, or their mate, or their Clanmate, or their sibling.

What did Venus look like again...? All she remembered was a vague silver shape with a handsome smile. I'm so shallow, she scolded herself. That was six moons ago. Perhaps she was just a hopeless romantic, stuck in the mud when everyone else was moving on.

"I've been lonely for too long," she lamented. "I keep thinking there's someone out there... beyond the rocks... but I met him for a day and he never came back. It's hopeless. I waited for him for a long time. I'll do anything for someone I care about," she said sincerely. "And to be honest, I don't know if I cared about him, really, or that I was just falling victim to his good looks. He's fathered many, I'll guess." Her voice cracked. "but he left before I could know him more. I thought he was the one. I've been looking for love all my life. And now I can't even remember exactly how he looks..." bowing her head, her amber eyes glowed dully in the darkness, and she let out a sigh. "You're right. I've grown to almost take loneliness as my mate, if you understand what I mean. It's there for me," she added wryly. "but I think I'm beginning to miss what it's like to be loved by someone else. And you understand, right?" she asked softly, but unable to look at him.

[Carotius]

Lionhearted

Thistlehawk didn't know much of how to react to the she-cat's words. The pale warrior had curled up, speaking of a 'he' who'd she fallen foolishly for, and was now in an emotional rut at that one-time appearance. So you did meet someone else outside the Clans. Normally, he would feel incredulity and anger at a Clanmate for even attempting to establish a romance outside of the warrior code (which was really hypocritical of him), but today... There wasn't anything the deputy could be angry about - he had done something similar, in overlooking what's at home in pursuit of a better choice beyond the rocky borders.

Ears perked curiously as Brightfish continued, words of loneliness and blind hopes entailing those he had spoken earlier. The blue-grey tabby had to resist a small smile to himself as he listened. This talk of going on a lonely path with nothing but a lack of an idea of where love was, and the feeling of being by oneself without a shred of hope of ever finding 'the one'. Thistlehawk remembered the words that echoed in his mind earlier. Boulderfall is a good brother... It was a good thing the older of the two littermates bumped into him when he did - the tabby probably wouldn't have made this move towards Brightfish is it hadn't happened.

For the first time since that agitated day, Thistlehawk felt himself heave a sigh of relief as he smiled softly at the pale she-cat. "I understand quite perfectly. Some things must go missing before you realise its value," he murmured, his striped tail seemingly having a mind of its own as it curled upwards and brushed along the warrior's flank. Emerald green eyes gazed warmly at Brightfish. There really weren't any other words he could say at the moment, other than the next ones that came as he leaned his nose tentatively towards her, "Which is why I'm asking if...if you'd like to be the missing half."

[Lionhearted]

OOC:

Tagging: Carotius 

Just saying, she might (this might be OOC or IC, depending on if we make a thread) be a little tentative when they first become mates, only because she hasn't gone so far with a tom before, and she feels like she goes through relationships so quickly, this one might fall apart, too, like her others. And she's scared she'll do something wrong... she'll take a little time to adjust, and then she'll be a confident, happy she-cat. ^^ 

---

"I understand quite perfectly. Some things must go missing before you realize its value," said Thistlehawk, his eyes glowing in the dark.

Brightfish let out a breath, and had not realized that she'd been holding it. He was an understanding tom. Her heart lifted some more. Maybe he was the one for her. There was a pregnant pause, and then--

"Which is why I'm asking if... if you'd like to be the missing half."

So he was thinking along the same lines. Brightfish let out a small and shy grin, aware that he probably couldn't see it. "I would love to, Thistlehawk," she said, her voice cracking again. "You complete my life, too. I can't imagine living without you. I see you everyday, and you're the best deputy a cat can hope for." Moving closer, she leaned over, aiming to rest her head on his shoulder. Yes, he was much better than Venus. He was dedicated, determined, and although he was, at times, reckless, she knew it was only because he was feeling supportive of his Clan. For the first time, she was out of words. That's because there's no words to describe him, she thought.