Suspicion (Open)

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Featherhawk stalked around the camp, eyeing everyone with notable suspicion and distrust. Sure, he had lived in the Clan all his life, but that didn't mean that he had to feel like the Clan was family.

Okay, maybe it did. but he still hasn't gotten over the initial shock of the truth of his family past; he was inclined not to believe it, and he didn't want to. However, the truth hurt; that was one of life's biggest truths.

They all seemed so happy, the rest of the warriors; only he had lived a life of lies; he had thought that he had been born pure, that the world was perfect; of course, it had been a lie.

A car passed by him. He wasn't in the best mood; one of the kits from the nursery had already tripped over him, and his tail still stung. It hurt.

"Hey there, Featherhawk!" The warrior called out cheerfully.

"Just keep walking," muttered Featherhawk.

[Frost]

This 'warrior' wasn't really a warrior, but instead, a cheerful Smokepaw. The dull black tom had spotted Featherhawk looking down and decided he needed a friend or something among those lines. He quickly ran over to him, his green orbs shining. "Hey! Are you ok? You don't seem to happy. What's wrong?" Smokepaw questioned, meeting the warrior's gaze. Truth be told, Smokepaw didn't really know Featherhawk, only what he looked like and that his name was super awesome sounding. In fact, he probably wouldn't of even talked to him is his name was something else.

Smokepaw frowned, growing impatient. Something was wrong and he knew it! Maybe it was just that Featherhawk's stomach hurt or something that he couldn't help with. but Smokepaw couldn't settle with that. It had to be something else! He had to find out and help the warrior out, hey for all he knows, Featherhawk could become his best friend!

[Deleted]

"Hey! You don't look too okay. What's wrong?"

Featherhawk furrowed his brows. It wasn't a warrior after all; the voice was too young. It was an apprentice; he had seen him before, but never cared to ask his name. Besides, senior warriors knew well enough to keep their distances from him. It was something he never took joy out of watching.

The welcomer seemed inclined to stay and receive and reply. Featherhawk swallowed his uncomfortableness and opened his mouth.

"Nothing, I'm fine," he replied curtly. "And what are you doing on the nice day talking to me, loner of the Clan, the stalker of the shadows?"

[Frost]

Smokepaw gave a long sigh, a small smirk finding it's way onto his face. "Well, there is thos stuck up jerk who is pretty much king of the apprentices for being super good at everything named Thornpaw. He kicked me out for hitting on all the she-cats and failing. So I saw you and said 'Hey, look. That cat has no friends, why not go talk to him? Not like his a murder!' And that's how I got here. Wait.....Your not a murder, right?" The smokey grey tom asked, his green eyes sparking with a little bit of fear, embarrassment, and nervousness. There was no way he could be a murder, right...? Hopefully? Or was Smokepaw, like normally, being completely stuid and scared for no reason?

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Featherhawk wrinkled his nose. "Do I look like a murderer to you?" He demanded with some amusement; to him, stupidity and idiocy were entertainment, but he wasn't ready to call Smokepaw dumb- yet.

"Well, go tell your little buddy Thornpaw to beat it," he continued; what Featherhawk despised the most was others picking on others without no damn reason, especially when someone was trying to accomplish something. It was just rude and angering. "Otherwise, Featherhawk's gonna head in there and teach him a lesson." Suddenly, he glanced at Smokepaw, concerned he was judging him. This was by far the most he'd said to anyone (after the incident, of course).

[Frost]

Smokepaw might of done what the tome had suggested, that is, if he wasn't so afraid of Thornpaw. For one, the brown apprentice was older then him, taller then him, and way stronger then him. Plus, Thornpaw had amazing fighting skills. "Well...I would do that, if he wasn't so damn scary. He is really tall and strong. Plus, I kind of made the whole den angry when I started to mess up everyone's beds. but mostly because Thornpaw ripped someone's eyes out on his third day of being made a apprentice." Smokepaw meowed, skipping the part about how he had accidently flirted with a tom, given he was super small and had a higher pitch voice. The dull colored tom sighed, lying down next to Featherhawk.

"So, do you have any brothers or sisters, I have 11. 8 of them where kittypets but where found by my mother and brought here." Smokepaw meowed, giving his paw a lick and drawing it over his ear. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a golden marvel cat playing. Oh how he hated her! That little kit was such a buzz-kill! "That's one of them over there," The apprentice said, using his long tail to flick it in her direction. \

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Featherhawk shifted uncomfortably as Smokepaw settled down, crouching down. This cat intended to stay.

"So how many littermates do you have?"

"I don't have any," replied Featherhawk stiffly; life would've been better if he had. "I was born a single it in leaf-bare. It must be hard to have so many littermates," he added hastily. If there was going to be conversation, he might as well keep it going.

[Frost]

Smokepaw gave a small smile. Yeah, He didn't really like a few of his siblings, but he cared for them all deeply. "I'm to sorry to hear that, Featherhawk. but yeah, it can get annoying. Before my full siblings and I where made apprentices, we all had this giant bed that was always cramped. but it was nice because we where all born in Leaf-bare and it was always cold unless we all curled up together." The tom-cat said, scooting a little bit away from the tom, seeing how he looked uncomfortable. After a short pause, Smokepaw poke up again. "Hey, Featherhawk. Why don't you like to talk to other people?" The apprentice questioned, his green orbs watching the older tom closely. "And why didn't you tell me the truth?" He meowed, giving a fake smile. Honestly, he wanted to hiss at him and demand that he told the truth. but that was no why to act, now was it?

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Featherhawk suddenly narrowed his eyes and leaned away slightly. "The truth?" He suddenly said with a but of venom. "You want to know the truth? Fact one:I didn't know myself until my late apprenticeship. Fact two:my father lied to me. He said the world was perfect. It was flawless. SunsetClan was flawless. Well, fact three: The world is screwed up; I learned that myself. My dad is flawed; he lied to me. My mother, who I thought had died, had flaws; she was a kittypet who fell in love with a Clan warrior! And my dad! Who is-is dishonorable enough to conduct such a thing? And... And I'm flawed. I'm half kittypet."

He looked away in shame. He felt exposed and open after ranting this to Smokepaw, and he didn't want to look him in the eye. "That's it. I'm sorry you had to listen to me. You can leave now if you want."

[Frost]

Smokepaw gave Featherhawk a hard look. "Liar." He started, his mouth remaining a straight line. "Yes your flawed. So am I. So is Thornbrook and Fawnspots and Sparrowpaw. We all have flaws, but being half kittypet isn't a flaw. I'm half loner, so is your apprentice, Snowpaw. No kitten in my litter is pure Sunsetclan, but that isn't any of our faults, after all, you don't pick who your born to." Smokepaw said, he voice serious for once in his life. "Featherhawk, you need to shut up and open your eyes and ears for once. Who got a apprentice? You did. Who was made a apprentice? Me and Snowpaw. Who is leader of Whisperclan? Fangstar. Do you know what we all have in common? We are half-loner, half-kittypet, or a ex-loner. And yes, Sunsetclan isn't perfect, but try and tell me a clan that is. Talonclan is angry and falling apart, Leafclanners are all paranoid and emotionally scarred. Whisperclan is super tiny and kind of weak, Stormclan has a load of traders, and I don't give two craps about Midnightclan. So please, get it though your think skull, no one is perfect. Stop whining and deal with it!" The smoke colored tom hissed, the fur on the back of his neck standing up. His eyes burned with a rare fire, daring Featherhawk to say another thing about how his type was a burden. He was just like any other cat, why cant people see that?

[Deleted]

Featherhawk's eyes blazed with anger. Jumping up and fluffing his fur up, he glared at Smokepaw. "If we have so many problems, if everyone just deals with it, how are we going to fix anything? We can't just deal with it, you mouse-brain! We have to strive to fix them! If everyone just accepts that we can't ever be perfect, then we're just slackers. If we can't be perfect, we can at least try, can't we?"

Breathing heavily, he turned away. "I try to be perfect. but I'm not. However, I'm trying to find ways to be. What are you doing with your life?"

(I'm going to have him talk to Ratstar. He'll leave and join a kittypet and think about everything peacefully.)

[Frost]

Smokepaw barred his fangs. "I'm sorry, but Ratstar already knows about most of the thins going on, she picked a punishment and that's how it is! You can't pick your parents, so in the meantime, why don't you just deal with it? There's nothing to be ashamed of, why do you act like it? And yeah, we do try, but solving giant problems like that doesn't happen over night. And another thing, why do you care so much about being perfect? We will all have flaws and you cant do anything to change that!" The apprentice hissed, tail lashing wildly in the air as he leapt to his large paws. "I'll tell you want I'm going to do. I'm going to become a warrior, who is a happy, caring, nice, and enthusiastic. You know why? Because that's everything you aren't, so that way I'll still have friends and not be the warrior everyone hates, doesn't care about, doesn't know, or wont be though of as some stupid, spoiled, brat!" Smokepaw yelled, his words lie a liquid venom as the filled the empty space.

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"Well, if we're just sitting there accepting and trying to deal with all the shit we did, how are supposed to reflect on our mistakes? How are we supposed to improve if we accept what happened and just throw it away, how can we change and make ourselves better?

"I'm not ashamed about anything (this was a lie)! Nobody has ever asked, nobody knows a single shit about me, nobody has to know!

"And to answer your question, I strive to be perfect to make everyone else perfect! I watch, I listen, I observe in the shadows so I can find the best way to serve my Clan! SunsetClan is my life! And I will serve Ratstar and Vineheart with my entire life.

"I also want to point something out," he growled, "if you're just on being content and happy and socializing, then you can never be a warrior! Of course, you being made an apprentice is inevitable- everyone is an apprentice at the same time- six moons. but not everyone is a warrior at the same time- because you know what? It depends on your rate of improvement. You focus more on what's important, and you get made a warrior sooner!

"I'm going for a walk," he said, steamed and angry. He did not have the heart to yell at Smokepaw anymore, and he did not want to make a true enemy out of anyone. Besides- Smokepaw had tried to approach him and be friendly. He huffed and turned his head slightly and glared at the aoprentice through narrowed, ice-blue eyes, cold and cool. "This is what happens when I try to interact with others. Nobody understands me. Don't waste your time and try to. Go be happy, and don't stand in my shadow. You'll just be part of it."

[Frost]

Smokepaw rolled his eyes, rage pilling up by the second. "Not everyone is like you, Featherfuck. Some of us can have friends while training, unlike you who choose not to. And, honestly you just told me a lot about yourself, so shut up already. How about you take that walk and don't come back, for a long while." He yelled back, rage taking over. Honestly, he wasn't a happy and outgoing cat, at least not since his Hawkpaw went missing. He turned into a depressed, cold, and lazy crybaby who faked a smile everywhere he went and acted like he wanted to talk to cats. "Whatever, at least no ones in the den right now." He mumbled under his breath, stalking over towards the apprentices den to pout.

[Deleted]

Featherhawk winced as Smokepaw's insults were thrown towards him, but he didn't look back. He did the only thing he's done since he'd chosen to lead a life of solitude: he ignored him.

Someday, the insolent apprentice would understand life. It would slap him in the face, like it did with Featherhawk himself, and Smokepaw would realize that life did not give you everything you wanted; especially not happiness.

Let him learn by himself, thought Featherhawk wearily as he arrived at the seaside and sat down, staring silently at the fish swimming and flitting in the water.

The insults still stung. He wished he'd never said anything to Smokepaw; the apprentice had merely thought he was irritating and had told him to shut up, even though he'd asked for the truth. Did everything had to go his way?

So this is how you have to behave to have friends. Well, I've decided that Smokepaw will never be my friend. What a horrible cat he is.