[Stricken] (Lunar!)

[[Acro.]]

ooc:// ℓυиαя! -cracks knuckles-


~ ^Highdive into _frozen w^av_es where the  p a s t  comes back to life

                                    Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time

The sun, at last, had set.

Cats would either be gossiping or off to their nests, to turn over the afternoon's events or simply sleep with no concerns. Ratstar would be leaving. Cats could either support her, or oppose her.

but they wouldn't stop her.

Hushed voices could be heard within the leader's den as shadows stretched along the beach toward camp. For a time, the words were unintelligible, but as their intensity increased so did their clarity. The first voice was deep, and harsh--broken by anger and something... more visceral. "--and what if they don't? What then?"

The second voice: cold, calculated. Dangerous. Still just a quiet, indistinct murmur, lost beneath the encroaching stillness of the evening. The first voice continued. "You think your lives so commonplace that you can just toss them aside?"

...

"Some things you don't just get to decide, Ratstar!"

...

"You are blind in your faith--do not fall to your own ignorance!"

A tension, cut sharply by three clipped words: "Lower. Your. Voice."


            Silence.

~ Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends

"...restrain me?"

...

Broken snippets. "... isn't that... just... see how you..."

Anger.

"Because I can't lose you again, Ratmask! Why can't you see that?! You don't get to just--"

...

"No, I think this whole thing is foolish. Why can't you see--"

...his words had cut her.

"You mean too much for me to just let you go and do this without--"

And then something changed. The second voice, the calmer of the two, lost its careful control. A dark frustration, deeper than could be fully revealed in the space of these words, broke into her once-measured tone. "I never asked you to love me." These words were intended to put an end to the back-and-forth; to impact the night enough to silence it. but they were met squarely, and swiftly.

"but I do, and you can't keep on pretending that it doesn't matter--that I don't count for something!"

...control returned. Her words would not be overheard again.

The final word was nothing more than a feral snarl, and then Sandstrike was blazing out of Ratstar's den, his strides long and dangerous. His body, his legs were not running, but his blood was charged and his heart was racing. Claws dug into the sand and grass as he literally tore straight across camp, tail lashing as he set off into the approaching night, toward the crashing waves of SunsetClan. In the shadow of her den, Ratstar hovered near the entrance, sharp eyes watching him go before she, too, retreated into her own darkness.

~ A clock ticks 'til it  breaks  your glass                            

                            and I drown in you  a g a I n  ~

[ℓυиαя]

As the sun had sunk lower in the sky and the light had started to fade, so had the activity of the camp and though it was over, though the news had been said, Vineheart wasn't sure if she felt good or bad about what had gone down.

She had a feeling of dissatisfaction. There were no clear answers, more like a steady haze of confusion and muted emotion.

As the cats filed out of the camp, moving off to their respective dens, Vineheart felt the joy underlying the dread. She also felt the tension coming from Ratstar's den behind her. Round ears flattened gently as she made her way over to her leader's den, knowing that though she were deputy, though she had every right to talk with Ratstar, what was going on in the den at this point in time did not involve her.

This viscous dance the two were playing, had been playing for so many moons, did not include her and so she was forced to wait out of respect. From what she could see of the camp, she watched as a tall tom made his way towards her. He moved with a fluid grace and met her gaze squarely as he approached. "Vineheart. You have no doubts about this?" He asked coolly, eyes briefly flicking from her to the dark mouth of the leader's den. Watching the much older warrior, Vineheart remained silent as the tom remained standing and too waited until the leader was available. "I trust Ratstar know's what she is doing, Thornfrost. She has made up her mind. The best we can all do is make sure Sunsetclan is ready for her return. We need to trust her."

At this, the icy tom brought his head back around and pinned her with something so intense she felt as if she had slipped into the sea in the middle of Leafbare. "I do trust her, and you. I just wish there was a smarter way to go about it. Sometimes when ones faith is so strong, they fail to see danger until it is too late." 

"I never asked you to love me." 

"but I do, and you can't keep on pretending that it doesn't matter--that I don't count for something!"

The words burst from the mouth of the cave, causing Vineheart's head to turn, golden eyes to widen at the fiery comment from her leader, the heartfelt rebuttal from Sandstrike. Something within her cried out in pain at his solitary stand with his emotions. It was so brave, so raw and aimed at someone other than her. She didn't know what hurt her more, the fact that he was in so much pain or that she was catching a glimpse of what the two of them shared. Turning her head away, Vineheart tried to mask her emotions that threatened to be displayed blatantly across her scarred features. She mustn't have succeeded because that blue gaze hardened on her. 

"Don't Vineheart. It's a wasted cause. For as long as I have known him - he has remained at her side." She went to shake her head at him but it was interrupted by a blur of gold, like a match being struck. He moved swiftly and for a moment she didn't know what to do but then suddenly she was moving, dodging Thornfrost and following after him. She was hurt, but so was he and so she would do as she always did, put others before herself.

"Sandstrike, wait!" She would just check he was OK. Nobody deserved to suffer alone.

Thornfrost watched her leave with a neutral expression, letting her go and making his way to Ratstar's den. "Ratstar, may I have a word?"

[[Acro.]]

|~ 'Cause you are the  pi e ce  of me

The night was red.

His body burned.

He was moving too slowly to withstand this heat, but couldn't risk moving any faster lest he blaze into the night and burn down to ash. He was out of camp now, throwing himself into the darkness before the moon could shine down and show him the way. He couldn't stand it--couldn't carry the weight anymore. This whole thing--it was too much. She was asking too much from him, to just stand by and let her go. She didn't comprehend the way this would break him, every day.

...or maybe she did, but it just wasn't enough to stop her.

"Sandstrike, wait!"

A voice he knew but couldn't place. A piece of him thought it might be Ratstar, at last coming after him--at last understanding. but the rest of him knew this would never, ever, be true. With his next stride, the tom whirled around to face his pursuer, his vision blurred by crimson shades of his anger. There was someone right there, in front of him, closer than he had anticipated. In the middle of it all, amidst the clouds of anger, he saw gold, and he anchored himself there. Eyes--he latched onto the light they gave, pulling himself out of his haze. He saw a face he knew. His glare retreated, afraid he had already burned her. He took a step back. "Vineheart," he spoke, letting out a quiet breath; a release. He paused, and then, voice strained, he posed a question as a statement of fact: "...she told you."

She told you, but no one told me.

--=-=-=-=-=-=-=--

"Ratstar, may I have a word?"

From within her den, the leader's ears pivoted, followed by her sharp gaze. She gave herself a moment to pause, to swipe her tongue once, twice, over the fur along her chest, settling herself. Then she straightened up and turned fully to face the entrance to her den, easily identifying the warrior who stood there by his crisp, snowy leopard's coat. "Of course, Thornfrost," she returned calmly with a nod and invitational flick of her tail. "Come in." Though she could most likely guess as to the nature of this visit without much risk of fault, she did not presume to know why the tom was there.

I wish I didn't need~|

[ℓυиαя]

There was a moment there, a heartbeat suspended in time, where Vineheart didn't think the sandy warrior heard her or would slow down. He was like a blazing fire, having been set on a direction and going where the world took it. With their difference in height, Vineheart had to move twice as fast to keep up, her eyes locked on him as he continued to move further away from her until they were both outside of the camp where the moon hardly shone.

He turned on her then and the deputy was overcome with a wave of heat that blasted from dark eyes however instead of standing back least she burn herself, the small tabby stood strong in front of him as recognition flooded him mere seconds later. He stepped back instead and seemed to cool down, if ever so slightly.

"Vineheart."

There had only been one other time she had seen him like this - though even that had been different. He had been angry then, furious - this same heat radiating from him.

but now he was hurt.

And back then he had kept himself away from her.

Two differences that pulsed in her mind as she looked up to see the usually calm, laid back tom teetering on the edge. Her heart hurt for him. She knew what it was like to love somebody that didn't think the same way. She knew the longing, the thoughts and feelings. She knew what it was like to be close to that someone in a different light to how you wanted to be.

"...she told you."

It was all he said, and to Vineheart it seemed both full and hollow. Holding his eyes, Vineheart didn't know how to answer that. She just wanted to make everything right, to return him to normal where his heart didn't ache and his body didn't burn. Most of all in that moment, she wanted to be his friend, because despite how she felt towards him - he needed her to be that. So the deputy nodded, her feathered tail blew lightly by the soft wind. "She did, Sandstrike." A pause in which her face crumbled both with a gentle concern and one of thought. "I can't speak for Ratstar because I don't know but maybe sometimes things are better thought through when the heart isn't involved." Her voice was soft as she tried to explain what she wanted to say.

Maybe Ratstar hadn't been able to tell him.

Or maybe she had simply known this would happen.

Vineheart was in no way standing up for Ratstar because she felt she had to as deputy, rather she was speaking her mind from how she saw it. Her, an outsider to this mess could possibly shed some light on the situation. Possibly calm him down, arrange his thoughts into something of logic and maybe this could be worked out properly rather than just a blow over until the next storm hit.

***

"Of course, Thornfrost, come in." 

At the sound of his leaders voice, Thornfrost entered the den, iced eyes sweeping the area before resting on Ratstar. Briefly his mind returned to the sandy tom and small tabby that were now Starclan know's where, the warrior with so much anger and a deputy just wanting to help. It made him wonder what had happened here in the den but within moments he had pushed that aside and focused on her with clear eyes.

"You know how I feel about this Ratstar." He started, watching her levelly before continuing. Though he didn't want her in any danger, not having his heart involved as the sandy warrior did, meant that he could say what he was about to next. The tall tom blew out a quiet breath.

"but I respect your wishes. All I want to know is whether or not you have a plan in place in case things don't turn out how you would like." There needed to be something there in case it all fell apart and Thornfrost knew that if anything did go wrong, he would ensure he was one of the first there.

[[Acro.]]

If our love is tragedy

"She did, Sandstrike."

His whiskers pulled back--a flinch against his own name and the honesty behind it.

"I can't speak for Ratstar because I don't know but maybe sometimes things are better thought through when the heart isn't involved."

...when the heart isn't involved.

The heart, it seemed, was never involved.

Sandstrike locked eyes with the Deputy, searching for something--for answers, or for escape. but all he found was a truth he didn't want to accept, and he took another step away. Ratstar was leaving. Vineheart had known. No one had told him. And now he was expected to sit down and act like he was okay with everything. Because that was who he was, what he represented: eternal, unconditional support.

but what if he couldn't do it, anymore?

What if he'd decided it just wasn't fair?

Eyes distant, the tom shook his head. "If they hurt her..." he murmured, staring off into the dark. "I won't be there to help her."

And this was his greatest fear.

--=-=-=-=-=-=-=--

"...but I respect your wishes. All I want to know is whether or not you have a plan in place in case things don't turn out how you would like."

The leader was quiet, eyes steadily on the tom, her expression impassable. Did she have a plan? Was she prepared for any outcome?

Yes, and of course.

Ratstar nodded to the warrior. She respected the tom, and knew he was coming from the right place. "As I said... I have no fear for my lives, and if this does not go the way I wish it would, then I will know that now is no the time for such a change." but, maybe, one day it would be the time, and either she would see it, firsthand, or she would look on from her place among the stars. This change... to Ratstar, it was inevitable, but only a question of "when." After a brief pause, the leader flicked her tail and continued. "but I will need warriors here that I can count on," she explained coolly, meeting squarely the tom's eyes. "Ones who will keep a level head and be able to remain steady if all else should be shaken."

Ones who would not be blinded by their rage.

Ones who would not be rash in their heartbreak.

Ones who were not Sandstrike.

Why are you my  remedwhy?

[ℓυиαя]

She caught the way his whiskers drew back. She caught the way he locked eyes with her, caught the way he took a step away. It was so unlike the tom that Vineheart didn't know what to do. The tom that always seemed so in control, the one that always seemed to have a grip on his emotions, the one that had helped her more than she could count; he was falling. And she felt helpless to watch him. Truthfully, his anger, the searing hot emotion, was easier to bear.

"If they hurt her... I won't be there to help her."

His voice was quiet now, a murmur as the sun started to slink towards the sea. At the hollowness of his voice, Vineheart's ears flattened but she didn't look away. Yes, he wouldn't be there but perhaps it was time he wasn't. His entire life he had stood by her, watched her, protected her from danger. She understood the lengths you would go for someone you loved but each effort had been fruitless bar the success of her protection. It was breaking him, tearing him off piece by piece and it was killing her to watch him.

"Maybe this time you are not meant to. Sandstrike you have held yourself together for her your entire life and I know... I know you don't want to but let her do this herself. You cannot be there always even if you feel like you can."

A pause as she looked up at him, her voice hardening slightly on her last words. 

"This isn't living."

~ : ~ : ~ : ~ : ~ :

"As I said... I have no fear for my lives, and if this does not go the way I wish it would, then I will know that now is no the time for such a change."

At this, the white tom frowned. It wasn't smart to take no regard for lives. It seemed so reckless to be throwing them to the wind based off faith however set she seemed to be. He had been around long enough to know that Ratstar would do it with or without his support and so it was better to support if arguing didn't succeed. Which was why, instead of talking her out of it, he was asking if a plan was in place. At least that would ensure more of her safety and they could all be along the same lines.

"but I will need warriors here that I can count on, one who will keep a level head and be able to remain steady if all else should be shaken."

He understood what she meant as he met her eyes and heard her words. He would be here, he would ensure Vineheart had support behind her and that things ran smoothly. Most of all, he would be here if or when everything fell apart. Dipping his head to her, his tail swished once, twice, still wishing there were something else he could do to help. In an ideal world, there would be something that would ensure she returned in one piece but Thornfrost knew  better than most that optimistic thinking was often dangerous. Sandstrike, he should know better than all what Ratstar was like however he was the one arguing, trying to stop her from doing something she had her heart and mind set on.

Love did nasty things to cats.

"Of course Ratstar and thank you for your time." He left to leave then, his lean body rippling under a partial leopards coat. Turning his head to her at the last minute he left her with a final request. "If you need my help with anything, please let me know." With that he left, his  long tail the last to disappear from the den. They would see how this went, but regardless Thornfrost would be there for both of them.

[[Acro.]]

You're  the  light,
                                                                       You're  the  night

You're  the  color  of  my  blood

"Maybe this time you are not meant to. Sandstrike you have held yourself together for her your entire life and I know... I know you don't want to but let her do this herself. You cannot be there always even if you feel like you can."

The tom could only continue staring away, off into the growing shadows as Vineheart's words settled icily into his bones. He knew... he knew this was out of his paws. He knew nothing he said or did would change anything that was about to happen, only how he handled it.

He knew he was too small to influence Ratstar's big picture. He was a dot, a grain of sand, against the vast landscape she had conjured. He had always known he was not the focus of her life as she was of his... but never before had he felt so small.

"This isn't living."

His eyes flew back to Vineheart, then, locking onto hers. He furrowed his brow in scrutiny, as though, if he just looked carefully enough, he would find something behind that golden gaze. but instead, he just shook his head slightly, and spoke quietly, the brutal truth behind his words a cold breath against the warm night. "Maybe so," he began, each syllable carefully chosen for its weight.

"but she is my life."

Everything he'd ever done, he had done it for her.

"And her," a voice whispered to Sandstrike as Vineheart stood before him. but this voice he did not hear.

This voice he was not ready to understand.

--=-=-=-=-=-=-=--

"Of course Ratstar and thank you for your time."

He dipped his head to her, and she returned the gesture, though more slightly, out of respect for the warrior.

"If you need my help with anything, please let me know."

She would.

Ratstar watched him go, holding still even after he had long left. Time passed, darkness began to settle... and, only after she was sure no others were coming for her that night, the petite she-cat turned away and retreated to the far back of her den where none would see. She sat down on her haunches facing the wall, gazing into its shadows. Seconds passed, and her body began to tremble. It started in her ankles, spreading up to her shoulders and down along her spine. She shut her eyes tightly as the walls contained within them crumbled, and she dropped her chin close to her chest to brace against the waves that were crashing down upon her. An unsteady exhale escaped her, and she tried to draw it back, but the inhale was more of a gasp, followed by another broken escape of air.

Her cries were quiet beneath the night.

So  love me  like  you  do

[ℓυиαя]

"Maybe so, but she is my life."

I know.

Each word struck her pelt as if they were personal attacks against her. His eyes were cold as they bore into her gentle golden ones and bit by bit, the hardness and determination she had found on her last words began to seep away, fall between the cracks that both his words and look coursed through her. Round ears flattened before she looked down from him, unable to hold his gaze any longer, it too intense, his raw emotion too intense.

And too painful for her.

Her eyes roved the ground as she tried to say something, anything without her throat closing up and tears pricking her eyes. It was hard, everytime she reached for composure she would be hit by another wave, her fur becoming heavy and her thoughts lagged.

Why couldn't he see her standing before him?

Because though he was looking directly at her, he was failing to see her and that cut the dark tabby more than she wished it did.

but, as much as she wished to be his life, she was not and to tweak her advice to him based off her own selfish desires would be wrong. She was his friend first, always had been and looked like she would continue to stay. Finally she spoke, her soft voice floating up through the night from a lowered head, each word measured and precise. Rather than responding to his last words, Vineheart spoke the logical side of her mind once more.

"You need to help her as much as she will let you, Sandstrike." A pause where she finally lifted her head and looked at him again. "You may not like her plans but that doesn't mean you cannot help. You know as well as I that she is not changing her mind."

A break then, where she took a breath, continued to push the pain to the back and went on. "Wouldn't you rather help her as much as you can here instead of not helping at all?"

After all, sometimes that was all that could be done, sometimes you could only be there for them as much as they let you. It hurt, but it made it better in an odd sort of way.

[[Acro.]]

Everyone here,
knows everyone here is thinking about

Somebody else

She looked away from him.

Vineheart had taken her eyes away from him, and, for a moment, the tom reached for her, his whiskers pulling forward, neck craning.

Why had she gone away?

Why did she look some of what he felt?

Hurt.

Small.

"You know as well as I that she is not changing her mind."

She was back, and Sandstrike straightened up, pulling away before she might've seen him reaching. And she was right: he knew Ratstar could not be convinced to stay. He knew. The reality made his eyes darken.

"Wouldn't you rather help her as much as you can here instead of not helping at all?"

He inhaled, watching her, unable to deny the wisdom she provided. After a moment, he released the breath he had been holding on a slow, quiet exhale, his shoulders settling out of their tension. His eyes flit back and forth between Vineheart's--he had no words to fight her with, because she was speaking only truth. And he could not change something so much bigger than himself. "I know," he breathed at last, flicking his tail and looking away, turning his body and taking a few steps toward the beach. He paused, and simply stared out into the night, seeing the first scattering of stars peeking out against the sky. "And, anyway," he remarked, glancing back over his shoulder with an eyebrow quirked. "Someone's got to keep your tail in line, make sure all this power doesn't go straight to your pretty little head."

He could do this.

He could do this, because there was no surviving, otherwise.

[ℓυиαя]

After she spoke, there was a pregnant pause, one which Vineheart didn't know if he would break. He inhaled slowly, let the breath out and met her gaze as if he was trying to see something other than what she was telling him. Except there was no room for lies when the truth was spoken.

"I know," he finally said before he looked away and she lost his dark expression, his wounded eyes, to the sea.

but did he? Or was this something he said to pretend he was OK?

She followed his line of sight out over the body of water, christened by a white moonlight as the waves slept below. Sometimes it was easy to look at something so beautiful and feel small with even tinier problems. The deputy said nothing in reply, hoping he did know and that it wasn't something to ease the conversation however when he turned back and looked at her, she saw a spark of the tom cat she knew and loved.

"And, anyway, someone's got to keep your tail in line, make sure all this power doesn't go straight to your pretty little head."

Oh, he was joking now? Though it was nice to see an old glimpse of Sandstrike, Vineheart could only muster a small smile as she turned her head back to his. Maybe it was the pressure of the role he had just reminded her of, or maybe it was due to the topic of conversation mere moments ago.

Maybe she just couldn't pretend it was all ok as well as he could.

"Yeah well," she murmured with a small smile, "You will have your work cut out for you." Padding forwards, the deputy's feathered tail blew in the slight wind and the light from the moon lit up the scarring along her features. She looked so small standing there compared to the still sea that stretched out towards the horizon.  "but in all seriousness, Sandstrike. I really will appreciate the support."

[[Acro.]]

"Yeah well, you will have your work cut out for you."

He smirked to suit the moment, but silently he thought: "And so will you."

It would not always be easy to tolerate Sandstrike once Ratstar left. He knew himself enough to know that his worry and his stress would come out as agitation and anger. He might outwardly disobey the Deputy. He might disappear for an entire day, or even two, without telling anybody where he was going or what he was doing. He was going to give Vineheart all the support he could physically manage, because he knew difficult days were ahead for her, and the Clan...

but he would have difficult days, too.

"but in all seriousness, Sandstrike. I really will appreciate the support."

With her beside him, Sandstrike tilted his head enough to look down at Vineheart from the corner of his eyes. The doubt in her gaze, the determination on her face... He flicked her lightly with his tail; playful, reassuring. "That's the only reason I'll be sticking around," he remarked, tone jibing but also concealing a dangerous truth. If it had been anybody else--if it hadn't been Vineheart about to step out onto that ledge at the head of the Clan, a new weight on her delicate shoulders... Sandstrike would be gone. He'd be after Ratstar, trailing her through the territories until he was found and detained.

Or killed.

but he owed it to Vineheart--and he'd promised to himself--to carry her when she couldn't stand on her own. He just needed to remember that promise, that commitment...

And then, maybe, he'd get through this--

They'd get through this.

[ℓυиαя]

It was one thing to find ones humor, it was another to find humor in someone else when your world was collapsing and Vineheart didn't miss the smirk he gave at her comment. Maybe he was going to do better than she had initially thought.

She felt the warmth he gave off as he stood beside her, feeling his eyes on her though hers remained straight ahead. It was getting harder and harder, especially in moments like this where it was just the two of them. He was too far gone with Ratstar to even see what she thought of him and the last few minutes with him had driven that home in the small she cat. Before she had known, now she saw.

Now she hurt.

Vineheart wasn't the type to take what she wanted when she wanted and granted, if she was, Ratstar going away would be the perfect. Instead, this would be a time where she would have to lead the clan with him by her side - knowing he would rather be off with someone else. Knowing it killed him to be there. His words broke the silence yet they confirmed what she feared - even with the joking tone.

"That's the only reason I'll be sticking around." 

Something faltered in her face as she stared out over the sea, the deputy not moving except for the light wind that swept her fur up and out. That's the only reason he would be staying - because he wasn't able to go in the direction he truly wanted. Would he have left her here alone if Ratstar had asked him to go with her? Would he have given her a pat on the back and told her she would be fine, or would he have stayed and supported her?

Though she couldn't read minds she knew with every ounce of her being that if Ratstar had let him, he would be gone.

but she couldn't say that to him could she? To tell him how she felt, to tear him in half was a cruelness no one should be a victim to. She didn't blame him for how she felt, that was on her and love came like the leaves fell - random and directed by many things out of your control. So instead of telling him, instead of confusing him more and making this harder than it already was, the dark tabby turned her head to him and nodded, eyes only on his briefly. "Thank you. Anyway, I'll let you get back to it. Just wanted to check you were ok." Turning around on the sand, her eyes left him and the deputy headed off, back to camp to get her mind straight on her new role while Ratstar was away.

She had a clan to run and right now, that was what she needed to be focusing on.

Plus, maybe if she kept herself busy, it would take her attention from her aching heart.

Maybe.

OOC: I didn't really have any plans so do whatever you feel like c: