A Nightmare of a Reminder (Echo)

[Icestorm]

Thornfur made his way back into the clearing of the clan after a border patrol. When he had left it there was barely any light peeping through the remaining leaves of the trees, but now the day was well in swing. As he scanned the clearing the tom didn't see Thrushpaw or Antpaw, which meant they were training, but he didn't see Birdheart either. Maybe that was good thing though. Thornfur hated to admit it, but his old self was coming back. He just wasn't in the mood to handle other cats anymore, his mate included. He just couldn't get the feeling of betrayal out of his mind. He tried to ask Starclan, his kits - Owlkit specifically what he had deserved to be tested. but he got no answer.

The tabby found himself sitting in his usual spot, with the nursery in clear sight. A habit he gained when Poppyshine was kit, and stayed with him as his third litter of kits stayed there now. His tail flicked with frustration as he kept thinking. His thoughts moving to the past yet again. The memories of playing with Owlkit just in front of the nersury, letting him think he could sneak out of the clearing, watching his lifeless body soak with blood, and hearing Birdheart call for him(if memory serves that happened?). A shudder rain through the large warrior's body.

Echo

[Echo]

Birdheart was out in the territory for a walk. She went alone, wanting to clear her head. It felt odd being out there on her own. She usually had him walking right next to her.

Him. Huh. Sounds weird in my head. Like I'm shunning him. Is that what I'm doing? No. but I'm still hurting. How dare he push me away for coping with loss. Although it might be an odd way to cope - itfelt right. Well I guess his way of coping with things is to be alone. I'm still mad.

The walk did nothing but make her pile her pain up more. She entered the clearing and immediately noticed him. She stared at him, waiting to see if he would make eye contact. He looked up at her, a coldness in his eyes. She turned towards the nursery, not breaking eye contact, then stopped when she was right in front of him. She looked at him, casting her icy gaze, but didn't say a word. After a few tense heartbeats, she walked into the nursery to greet Owlkit who was all alone.

[Icestorm]

Thornfur couldn't help but watch his mate come in. Why had she been out? What had she been up to? Was she okay? Thornfur flicked his ear. He knew even if he was mad at Birdheart, he wouldn't stop worrying about her. but his anger and pride were stopping him from talking to her. He just... he couldn't get past... That Kit. He knew it was irrational, it wasn't That Kit's fault. No. It was Birdheart's.

She betrayed him.

He knew that look though. She was just as mad...

The large tabby let out a loud huff of frustration. He should at least go over there now that he knew where she was at for sure. He really didn't want to go near That Kit though. It was like reliving a nightmare, every time. He just wish he could talk to the real Owlkit just once, just to make sure he was okay in Starclan and watching over his other siblings. Thornfur moved finally, slowly and with almost no confidence. He was nervous. Birdheart was mad, he was mad, and That Kit was there. but she was still his mate and That Kit was still his.

"Birdheart," he asked gruffly, "How are you today?" His green eyes not even glancing at That Kit. He couldn't. He might breakdown again.

[Echo]

She heard him enter the nursery. lifted her head up, but wasn't facing him. She didn't even give him the decency of having her ears turned to him. She just glared at the wall in front of her as if it were him. She didn't want him in the nursery right now, and if she were mean enough, she might kick him out. Owlkit was the only kit from the recent litter in the nursery. She knew he hated her precious little kit. She didn't like the tension that floated around the room when Owlkit was there.

but what Birdheart hated the most was how he made her feel like she had made a mistake while naming their kit.

"Fine" she said flatly, still not facing him. "I'd ask how you are as well, but I'm pretty sure I know seeing as to you, there is a badger in the room, in the form of a small kit." She said as coldly as possible. Then she bent down and licked her sweet little Owlkit on the head and finally connected her gaze with her mate - him.

[Icestorm]

Thornfur had wanted to talk to Birdheart, but he saw it wasn't going to happen. She was colder than leaf-bare and that actually hurt. He knew they were both mad, but that didn't make experiencing the anger any better. He hated it when she was like this, it was a whole new side of her for him. She had usually been so supportive, only letting her frustration show here and there. but with her new anger, rose his own.

"A small kit doesn't seem to be the problem at the moment." Thornfur said lowly. He was trying to keep in mind that they were in the nursery. His temper wanting to flare. He always promised himself to not fight in front of the kits either. This Kit included. His mate was his problem, not theirs. "Birdheart, just be civil right now. I am trying to talk to you." He said still ignoring the kit.

[Echo]

Owlkit looked up at his parents. He saw a new emotion rising in both of them - anger. He didn't understand it. Why couldn't they just love eachother like he loved them? He looked at his dad and smiled, hoping that it would make him feel better.

Birdheart wanted to yell. She wanted to scream. He wasn't getting the point. She didn't want to speak with him until he spoke with their son. She glared at him. "How can I be civil with you if you can't be civil with our son. If you can't treat him like the perfectly normal, perfectly sweet, perfectly loveable kit he is, then I'm not going to treat you that way. You didn't even say hello to him upon walking in here. He looks up to you, ya know? He doesn't even realize that you are distancing yourself from him. He thinks you love him. He cares about you. You can't return those feelings to an innocent little kit, I can't return that to a full-grown warrior who is acting like an immature mouse-brain." Her chest huffed with anger. Her heart beat hard, beat fast, wanting to reach out and embrace his heart and hold it close. but her head was tired with the pain and stress their small battle was causing.

Owlkit's smile crumbled when he heard his mother talk about their son, and he realized he was the only son in the room at the moment. His father didn't love him? Why didn't he love him? Why hadn't he said hello? Why wasn't he looking at Owlkit? Did his mother love him? Did his siblings love him? What is wrong with Owlkit?

The up-right, happy, joyful exterior of the kit cracked, and a new, sad, pessimistic one emerged. He slumped, his eyes drooped, and his face turned to a pout. He ran out the nursery and kept running until he found a small hole in a patch of leaves to hide in. Maybe it was his face? Did no one want to see his face? Had Starclan cursed him with the power to inflict sorrow and pain onto another when he appeared? Was he just built to cause sadness?

In a matter of heartbeats, Owlkit had changed completely.

[Icestorm]

Thornfur felt his fur bristle with Birdheart's words. It wasn't his fault! He was trying! For Starclan's sake he was trying, it just wasn't going the way it should. He tried to not compare them, he knew it was wrong. but it was hard. He just wasn't strong enough to do it! How could she be like this to him. He told her how bad of an idea this was for him.

"And how in Starclan could you just say that in front of him! I am trying okay! It isn't easy for me like it is you!" His voice was in a harsh hushed tone. "I don't hate the kit. I just," his voice chocked as his emotions started to rise. He wasn't good emotions. She knew that. So why did she expect him to be? Why did she expect so much from him? He shook his head with confusion, his ear flicking with frustration. He couldn't even see straight at this point, how was he supposed to make her understand? "I need time. I can't forget Owlk-, I can't forget him." His voice almost a whisper. Why was she doing this to him?

The tom may have not been looking at the kit, but that didn't mean he wasn't aware. He saw the kit's smile, and the heartbreak. He should have just stayed in his spot. The kit wouldn't have seen this or even heard it if he had just stay away. He should have ignored his heart and not talked to Birdheart at all. but his heart always called out to her.

[Echo]

"You don't have to forget him! This is what I want you yo see! You do not have to forget him. That is the whole point of naming Owlkit after him. Like giving him a second chance - the one he never got. I felt like this was his time to be reborn, and maybe I was wrong with that, but he's still your kit! You still have to fight through the hurt!" She hoped he didn't think that how he was treating their kit was okay. She just wanted him to understand where she was coming from.

[Icestorm]

Thornfur felt his anger rise again, "He isn't him. You can't just name another kit after him and expect that kit to be him. All his name does is remind me of our son lying in that clearing. I don't get to chose that, it just happens! You think I want to be like this? Have I ever been like this? What about with Thrushpaw and Antpaw? Think!" Thornfur hated himself. He hated that everything was coming out the way it was. He just... wasn't good with his feelings. Even when he was young he struggled. Life distant from others helped, but she changed that. She made him want to be with someone else other than kin. but with that, came pain... more pain. He hated the pain.

In a sudden out burst, "You should have just given him his own chance. To live his own life. It isn't fair to him, and you know that!". Thornfur looked to The Kit, he could see his mistake. It was clear to him. He should have never started this talk. His mistake was having a heart.

[Echo]

Birdheart looked away from him and ran out the nursery entrance, going to find her son. She didn't want to talk to him anymore. It was obvious they didn't understand each other in this situation. They probably never would now. And it's all Birdheart's fault.

She greeted her kit by nudging his cheek. He sniffled sadly.

"What did I do?" He asked shakily. Birdheart felt her heart crumble. It really was her fault.
"Nothing, Owlkit. You didn't do anything, this is my fault. I'm so sorry." She pulled the leaves off of her son and snuggled him close. "It's not your fault, momma." He purred. It couldn't have been her fault, it must have been his own fault.

[Icestorm]

Thornfur watched as Birdheart went after Their Kit. He let out a frustrated sigh, what in Starclan was he supposed to do now? He just wanted to talk to his mate, like he used to. He wanted to listen to her talk, talk about her day, talk about her hunts and her patrols. He wanted to just sit with their kits like they used to. When things were simple... he wanted that back.

He turned to follow her, stopping as he spotted her with The Kit.

Owlkit watched from Starclan with a truly sad look. Both his parents were hurting, but so was his brother. He just wished there was some way to tell them all what they needed to hear. 'Thornfur, I'm always watching and never blamed you for my death, it was meant to happen- Starclan welcomed me warmly. I even got to meet my aunt. Birdheart, I will always be with you and I already lived a happy life. I promise all your kits are safe here, we watch out for each other. Owlkit, keep your head up, they both love you unconditionally. And their love for not only each other, but their kits is strong enough to move mountains. Just give them some time to get over this gain of sand.' The apprentice sized kit moved closer to his father, rubbing against him for reassurance.

Thornfur was sure he felt a warmth, but when he looked there was nothing there.

"Birdheart!" He called after her before whispering to himself, "Why won't you listen to me" The tom made his way to the pair. His uncertain eyes looking to the upset kit. "I didn't come to fight with you. And don't want to fight." He looked to her to give him a sign she didn't either.

[Echo]

Birdheart knew he didn't want to fight. She didn't want to either. It just had felt so good to let her anger out. Her anger towards his anger towards Owlkit. She swallowed dryly and took a huge breath, ready to forgive and forget.

"I don't want to fight either." She said. It's all she could manage to say. She wouldn't apologize for how she acted, but she didn't expect him to either. They had both made solid points. The playing field was now even.