{Bee} [Hare] and Help Explain Why I Feel Like This

[Babylonranger]

Rusted and broken monsters littered the area, each inert and partially buried in snow. Yellow eyes glared at a few of the more intact frames, but Harepaw was only keeping a look-out for predators. The large apprentice had absolutely not prodded one of the monsters moments before to check that it was truly dead (the hard shell had made a harsh shriek beneath the brown and white cat's claws). Long tail lashing wildly, Harepaw crept through the abandoned twoleg dump, looking desperately for herbs or prey.

The small group of cats who'd walked on Whisperclan had been lucky so far, but Harepaw suspected they would have to go back soon if they couldn't find enough prey to support themselves and some to sneak into camp. And going back would mean facing Fangstar (if he was still alive, doubtful), Thrushleap, and Adderfoot. A choked whimper escaped the lithe cat's throat. Harepaw's last words to the grieving tom still echoed in the young apprentice's head, hurtful and crippling. The brown and white cat hadn't even stayed to see Adderfoot and Thushleap's reaction, she'd just . . . .

Harepaw's eyes widened in shock. Oh foxdung. No. No, no, no, no, no, she hadn't thought that . . . She did it again. And again. Mousedung. NO, she was a tom, everyone called her a tom, she couldn't be a she, right? The young cat paced, heedless of the paw-deep snow and everything else in the area, only aware of feeling trapped, enclosed, hunted. Pulling in fast shallow breaths that were no help at all, Harepaw trembled in confusion and panic.

Wolf

[Wolf]

"Harepaw, are you alright?" The voice of the young tortoiseshell broke through the sounds of the brown apprentice's pacing in the snow, dark copper eyes flashing with concern as Beepaw pulled her small body over to her panicking denmate. Noticing that Harepaw was panicking, she pulled herself faster through the snow and pressed her dappled pelt against Harepaw's brown one. "Hey, hey easy it's okay. Calm down Harepaw. What's wrong?" Beepaw asked, her voice soft and soothing and feminine, despite her body being that of a tom.

The young cat had trained herself to soften and lighten her voice to sound more like a she-cat's would, and her pelt pattern was a huge help in passing as the female she knew herself to be. Harepaw's struggle was one that Beepaw knew all too well and had struggled with herself but came to terms with before she had been given her apprentice name. She knew that toms couldn't be tortoiseshell and that had always confused her until she realized that she truly was meant to be a she-cat all along.

[Babylonranger]

The young brown furred cat didn't notice Beepaw's presence at first; Harepaw's attention focused inwards with a cutting precision reminiscent of Adderfoot and Thrushleap's harsh words. but the warmth and solid body of the tortoiseshell pressed against the large, lithe apprentice drew her back to the present.

"Beepaw?" Harepaw asked shakily, slightly out of breath from her earlier hyperventilating. "Wh-when did you get here?" Yellow eyes blinked slowly, fixing on her denmate. She knew Beepaw, of course, but mostly from a distance. "I don't . . . I don't know what's wrong with me. Everyone calls me a tom, but I don't feel like one. I've never felt like one. I feel more like a she-cat but how can I be a she-cat when I'm not?" The Whisperclan cat trembled and tucked her brown-and-white tail close to her paws. "Beepaw, I'm so confused. I don't know what to do."

[Wolf]

Beepaw nodded slowly before mewing, "I understand exactly what you mean." The apprentice turned her head to look at her denmate, copper eyes glinting with sympathy. "I was always told I was a tom, but tortiseshells can't be toms, so I was always so confused. I never felt like a tom to begin with. I'm a she-cat on the inside, and that's who I am. Only we can decide who we are, no matter what anyone else says." The tortoiseshell she-cat explained, touching her nose to Harepaw's shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"If you feel like you're a she-cat, then you are a she-cat." Beepaw concluded, glancing up at the sky above them and blinking. "Only StarClan knows why we were born this way, but I think it's our destiny to figure out who we truly are, regardless of what others say."